Review: I’m Not Mad, I’m Just Disappointed at Fringe Hub

Review by Greg Gorton

When large commercial companies talk about immersive theatre, it rarely feels immersive. Standing on a stage while the actors play around you is more like being in a walking simulator. Admittedly it feels sometimes like a haunted house - there is “interaction” but you could just be a mannequin as far as the actor is concerned.

At Fringe festivals, things are different. Take Carrion Theatre Company’s I’m Not Mad, I’m Just Disappointed. The show is about a pre-teen child having to navigate their parents arguing while stuck in a car to visit extended family. The parents love each other, it seems, but a dark trauma has hit them and no one knows how to survive. Oh, and you are literally in the car, playing the child. Now THAT is immersive theatre.

Everything in this show has been carefully curated. The paraphernalia on the back seat, the angle of the rear view mirror, and even the route the car takes. Yes, this show is literally on wheels. The team at Carrion Theatre Company have even taken pains to find parking spots that barely fail to obscure your view as you watch your parents leave the car to “have a conversation”. Only by twisting and manipulating yourself can you see what they are up to; only by admitting your role of a young voyeur do you ensure you get the full story.

While some elements of the “prop design” are a little heavy-handed, unrealistic even, they do add to this feeling of being trapped by your situation and, looking back, make you appreciate just how detailed this show is in its telling.

I’m Not Mad, I’m Just Disappointed was written and directed by Savier D'Arsie-Marquez, and their attention to providing an emotional yet safe experience has us strandling the line between wanting to cry and wanting to get out of the car. There is a good argument to be made that people traumatised by loss or childhood abuse might struggle with such a show, but the team has done well to prepare for those of us who need the show to stop. Everything from safe words to in-universe checking on us is covered. While the car feels like it is driven by an angry father, I never felt unsafe - a heavy brake on an open road, or not slowing enough at an empty car-park’s speed bump are enough to provide the effect without the risk.

The acting in this show is amazing. Freya Pragt plays the fractured mother, turned to drink but desperate to hold onto her entire family at literally any cost. Because you sit behind the driver, Pragt’s mother has the most opportunity to provide a harrowing physical performance, and to engage with you during the actual driving.

Jason Cavanagh plays your father. Two eyes on the road, distant to your mother, but trying hard to still find connection with you. At one point the car is parked and both actors provide monologues while the other is not present. Here Cavanagh is at his most powerful, hidden by the seat still, but with a vocal performance that breaks your heart. Each stumble over words, each inability to say what he wants, portrays perfectly the man who never learned to show his love.

There are struggles I have with I’m Not Mad, I’m Just Disappointed, though they are not enough for me to avoid recommending it.

The first is a writing issue: While most of the twists and turns of this show are quite engaging, two broke me out of my immersion. The first, an attempt at driving the story forward by doing something it would be hard to believe two people in this situation would do. The second, a twist too outlandish for the presented characters, too much like a bad short story than the truly realistic experience I had until that last moment. These issues can be forgiven, though, as many would be too immersed by these points to question the story itself.

The second issue is one I struggle over most: I’m not entirely sure who this show would be for. While Savier D'Arsie-Marquez has pulled off the mechanical intention (full immersion in an experimental setting) I’m not convinced that there is a clear emotional or moral intention. Those who have experienced similar traumas would not wish to relive them. There might be an argument made that this is meant to help the audience member have empathy for those going through this, but there are so few people out there who would not already have such empathy. And, big call as this may be, I doubt those people would ever set foot in a theatre.

So I have left this show, stepped out of the car, feeling like I experienced exactly what Savier D'Arsie-Marquez wanted me to experience. After I have calmed down, however, I cannot help but ask “Why would anyone want to put me through that?”

Despite these issues, I have to recommend I’m Not Mad, I’m Just Disappointed, especially for other creatives. This is a powerful proof of concept and a distinctly different experience to the comedies, cabarets, and physical theatre that inhabits the rest of the Fringe Hub.

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